Finally, a Deity I Could Worship, or at Least Hit the Bars With

So I heard one of the stranger opening sentences when I received a phone call in the lab last night. My mom called and instantly asked, "King of Jews, King of Beers?" This being entirely unlike something my mother would ordinarily ask, I requested clarification. She had just watched the 10 o' clock Milwaukee news and the big story was a billboard in Texas with Jesus holding a Budweiser, with King of Jews and King of Beers in large letters. I then asked her if she had seen anything on the news about Israel invading Lebanon, to which she replied, and I very nearly quote, "Israel invaded the what now?" Ah yes, the 10 o'clock news, where if it's not quintuplets or a missing blonde college sophomore, it's not worth telling you about.

This sounded too bizarre, so I googled it and sure enough, artist Ron English allegedly plastered a fake billboard that looked so real it's been covering up a genuine ad for a week. I didn't find a great picture, but there's one at left from the link above. Personally, I think this is a fantastic ad campaign, one that Busch should adopt in earnest. I mean, if companies can use old footage of John Wayne or Saint Vincent Lombardi to hawk their wares, why not use Our Lord and Savior? Sure, the Son of God used to be more partial to the wine bottle, but I'm pretty sure that the Mormons teach that while here in America, he plowed through the six-packs. I mean, if sending His only begotten Son to live amongst us mortal folk was the Lord's way of finally returning our phone call and getting in touch, what better way to relate than drink a few with us? I'm more inclined to believe a lot of things, including that someone is the Lord incarnate, if I'm sloshed; athough He may have to remind me of my belief sometime the next day. Produce a real cure for the hangover, and I'm sold.

Now, I know it's almost too easy to be critical about His specific choice of alcoholic beverage, but givest thou not into such temptation. Undoubtedly, He has chosen the best rice-brewed beer He could find. After all, does it not say, in Leviticus 13:21, "Breweth thou only with grains consum'd by the cloven ass in the paddies of Beersheba; and whineth thou not about its bland taste, for I am the Lord and I partaketh not of those heavy beers." It doesn't? Never mind then. The important thing to remember is that Jesus is looking out for you when you drink. That's why driving ability and general judgement skills are miraculously unimpaired by alcohol.

And let me just finish with the observation that it is difficult to remember to capitalize all those deific pronouns. I don't want Him to hit me with lightning though. Again, I mean.